Housebound – Horror Movie


Housebound(2014) was written and directed by Gerard Johnstone. Starring Morgana O’Reilly, Rima Te Wiata, and Glen-Paul Waru.


Housebound is phenomenal way of combining humor and horror. From the opening we are immediately sucked in to Kylie’s(Morgana O’Reilly) life, in which she is attempting to knock off an ATM. Her partner is knocked out and she takes it on her self to finish the job. Kylie’s character is built up to seem like she is a troubled youth and completely not in control of her life, but all at the same time she is shown to be head-strong and a leader. The basis of the story is Kylie is caught and given probation, in which she is under house arrest at her mother’s house, since she did not have a stable housing situation of her own. Miriam(Rima Te Wiata) is Kylie’s mom and a bit of an air-heady, rumor-mongery, typically distraught type of mother. She enjoys conversation all too much and tends to take on the conversation in a whole new like, be able to talk and talk and talk without breathing or thinking. I assure you this plays in the plot much later.

As any troubled youth, Kylie can’t stand her mother’s house. At one point she decides that she needs to use the phone in which Miriam is already on. At this point Kylie over hears her mother telling phantasmal stories of ghosts that live in their home. That appeared to be the trigger for the story, as Kylie hears something that is unexplained and goes into the basement. The third major character to the story appears Amos who is played by Glen-Paul Waru. His character really assists with the comedy of the story. He immediately turns from security guard to paranormal investigator and takes on a whole knew persona. His relationship with Kylie grows after an instance with a mechanical bear that appeared to move on it’s own. Kylie is suddenly the one that believes after being a skeptic for so long and Amos takes on her role of skepticism. housebound-2

While rummaging in the basement for something, Kylie ends up finding boxes and boxes of books that we donated to what she assumes is the house before her parents bought it. She decides to look up the company name that is scrawled in the books. This leads her to learning that the house was an asylum for youths. More of the story unfolds when she finally sits her mother down and accuses her of knowing what their home was before. Miriam finally breaks down and states that it was all her first husband’s idea in remodeling the place for a bed and breakfast.

Kylie starts to experience more and more paranormal things, like walking noises and items being moved. She leans of a death that happened in the asylum which closed the place down and she decides that the girl’s ghost is the one haunting them.


As I was watching this story unfold it became more and more complex and Kylie was trying to solve a latent murder, while assuming supernatural things. Finally the story boils down to learning of someone living in their walls that witness the murder of the girl and was afraid to tell anyone. The murderer was the same psychiatrist that was “helping” Kylie. Dennis played by Cameron Rhodes was prodigious. He looked as though he was trying to help and then snapped. The end of the film was a rampage and flight that nearly took every room of the house. I have to say his death was what made me laugh the absolute most. From deep down inside a roar erupted from me that I haven’t heard in a long, long time.


I give this beaut from Down-under 8 ankle bracelets out of 10. Easily hilarious and fun to watch, but slow at first.

Jason Voorhees Funko Pop! – Horror Collectibles


A friend of mine bought this bad boy for me. I have to say it is adorable but not very accurate.  The entire line of Funko Pop! is completely desirable and like the new Pokémon craze you have to “catch them all”. Okay, well not exactly like that, but I wanted so badly to have all my horror favorites. Receiving Jason as one of my first in the collection was perfect. I still have mine in the box and it’s the perfect representation of all the Jasons from the franchise without choosing the exact movie. His weirdly grey flesh and strangely mottled mask despite not being accurate is still perfect.

I have to give this little guy a 8 out of 10 little toy machete’s with blood on them.

The Cabin in the Woods – Horror Movie

The Cabin in the Woods

The Cabin in the Woods(2010) was written and directed by Drew Goddard with help writing from Joss Whedon. Starring Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Kristen Connolly (The Happening, The Bay), Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz (Donnie Darko, The Village), Anna Hutchison, and Chris Hemsworth (He’s fucking Thor!).


Go watch this film. This is what brought horror back. It’s one of the most well crafted horrors ever.

So, the story is a bunch of teenagers decide to go to a cabin in the woods for the summer to relax and get away from school, the future, life, you know whatever. Which appears to be a classic in the woods story, but it gets better as you watch because the government has secret facilities all over the world in which they unless evils, monsters, beasts, cannibals, ghosts, demons, anything that was in a horror once is in this story.

The Cabin in the Woods.2

We get to know the teens a little bit, one is nerdy, one is a stoner, two are jocks, and the other girl is kind of slutty. This is the single film in which you are watching with the two government officials, Sitterson (Richard Jenkins) and Hadley (Bradley Whitford), trying to guess along with them. They are in a base below the Earth’s surface “somewhere” and they are using this base to insight the different horrors on the teens. They have a board up with all the teens, the killers, and who is betting on who. It’s terribly exciting and every once in awhile you get to see the other countries as well doing the same.

The Cabin in the Woods.5

If you are not the normal horror fan, then you will probably being betting on your favorite teen to win. This is where it gets interesting too. You learn that miss slutty is not needed and the jocks can go as well. You learn that they need the nerd because she is a virgin still. Then you ask yourself why?

The Cabin in the Woods.4

Let me back up a second and say how awesome are the kills. So Dana (the nerd/virgin played by Kristen Connolly) reads an incantation from a diary in the basement, in doing so she unleashed the monstrous family and the girl of the diary (who are all murderous). There is a pheromone that is released in the cabin making the teens horny as hell and keeps them from thinking straight. So Jules (the slut played by Anna Hutchison) and Curt (Chris Hemsworth) end up having sex out in the woods. Jules gets her head cut off and Curt escapes for now. Marty (the stoner played by Fran Kranz) gets pulled out of the cabin by one of the killer family members. Curt, Holden (Jesse Williams), and Dana attempt to leave the way they came to find it blocked. Curt uses his motorcycle skills to slam into the force field covering the wooded area, ending his life. Holden and Dana go back into the RV and Holden dies from one of the murderous family stabbing him in the heart. Leaving the virgin Dana. BUT because Dana’s impending death Marty appears out of nowhere to save her.

The Cabin in the Woods.3

Now, here is the biggest spoiler and this I took directly from because they said it beautifully and it mirrors the script.

“Fleeing further, Dana and Marty discover a temple where they are confronted by the project’s Director. She explains that, every year, worldwide rituals are held to appease the Ancient Ones; malevolent beings living beneath the surface of the earth, one of them under their own Facility. The Ancient Ones are kept in perpetual slumber through an annual sacrifice, shown to be unique to the tropes of each region. The American slasher film ritual requires the killing of five young people embodying certain archetypes: the whore (Jules), the athlete (Curt), the scholar (Holden), the fool (Marty), and the virgin (Dana). The order in which intended victims perish is flexible, so long as the Whore dies first and the Virgin survives or dies last.”

Yeah, that’s all fucked up when Dana and Marty decide that they are not going to sacrifice themselves to the Ancient Ones.

The Cabin in the Woods.6

This was the ultimate horror film because of the facilities below, they show millions of different types of monsters, dating back to the beginning of time (mermaids etc.). You actually get to see the slaughtering of tons of people in this film and truly get to see how some of the monsters work. When all hell breaks loose in the most literal way it was a gift to us horror fans.

This film is one of my favorites and gets a 9.5 out 10 sacrifices to the Ancient Ones.

The Other Side of the Door – Horror Movie

Other Side of the Door

Other Side of the Door(2016) was written and directed by Johannes Roberts with help writing from Ernest Riera. Starring Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead), Jeremy Sisto (Six Feet Under), Sofia Rosinsky, Logan Creran, and Suchitra Pillai.


Maria and Michael (Sarah & Jeremy) decide based off of Michael’s booming business, that their family will move to India. The culture is shown off in the film with cafe’s and tuk-tuks in the street, how crowded it is and all the beautiful people throughout this film. Other than that, this was the worse idea for the family EVER. Maria is driving home with Oliver (Logan Creran, the son) and Lucy (Sofia Rosinsky, the younger daughter) when the car goes off a bridge and starts to sink into the river it was traversing over.

Other Side of the Door.4

This part was daunting and it was broken up throughout the film as flashbacks, but for clarity I’m beginning with it. The story is articulated perfectly gliding between the past and present, never loosing my interest.

Oliver gets his leg stuck between the seat and his car seat, while Maria tried to get him free. Without a knife it did seem nearly impossible, especially since she had Lucy in her arms already. She swims to safety with Lucy when the passersby stop her from jumping back in to save Oliver. Unfortunately Oliver drowns and when they finally free his lifeless body they drag him to the ground in which Maria refuses to leave his corpse.

I never have had a child, but I knew that if I had spawn and they died this, this scene is exactly what it would be like. The emotion from Sarah really shown through and I’ve seen The Walking Dead so this was a major surprise.

Other Side of the Door.5

So Maria goes into full grieve mode and does the whole ignore your entire ALIVE family because of the one death, which I’ve heard happens, but in this case it seemed dramatic. Michael spends a majority of the film off screen and away from Maria giving her space after she freaks out at him for not giving her space. So the film begins to really focus on her.

Their nanny/caretaker person, Piki (Suchitra Pillai) had learned of a place in which Maria could talk to her son one last time for closure. She herself apparently had gone their for the same reason. AND like any movie with something sacred (Army of Darkness) there are rules that need to be followed precisely.

Other Side of the Door.2

This was while Maria was in her hospital bed after her suicide attempt, that Piki tells her “take the ashes of your son and spread then on the steps, lock yourself inside and wait till dark, he will come to you.” She then repeated tells her if she does this DON’T OPEN THE DOOR, no matter what she hears.

I knew when I heard that last line, that she was too weak to listen. She would hear her son and open the door anyway. So was I surprised? No. She goes to fix her mind and promises her husband that she will come back whole. She leaves to Piki’s hometown and walks out into the forest to find this thinly veiled door to the other side (See what I did there!). She spreads Oliver’s ashes on the steps, taking a moment to accept that he is gone and then goes inside closing the door behind her. She has a couple of torches going and she waits and waits.

This was a great moment of build up that really got me interested in the film, I knew she was going to open the door, I knew she was weak and would not listen, yet this moment still had me watching.

Long story short, nightfall happens and there is some noises that happen behind the door, she finally starts talking to her son, but only for a short minute. Then the film insinuates that he is being ripped away against his will. Of course, Maria opens the door.

She runs from the place and pretends it never happened, because that always works in the films. Soon after she gets back her son comes to her in voices and then takes over the body of her daughter. The film gets real creepy quick with some scary tribal men popping up everywhere. Piki tries to help again, but this time pays the ultimate price as she is tricked into being killed by an Indian deity Myrtu guards the underworld.

Other Side of the Door.3

The native shamans and Myrtu really put this movie over the edge and the entire film gets more and more intense as you learn that Myrtu is there to take Oliver’s soul back and to take Maria for creating the entire mess.

The very last scene is an intense fight between the shamans, Maria, and Michael. This is the moment that Michael finally seems to be clued in and that very moment is when Maria dies and Myrtu takes her soul. Lucy played by Sofia played a significant part as well, being a creepy possessed little child and causing an immense about of chaos as possessed by an malevolent Oliver.

Other Side of the Door.1

Despite some jump scares, the makeup in this film really gave me shivers and decidedly adds to the entirety of the film. It was impassioned and it shows. The lighting, the script, the ambiance that is created, really places you in India and gives you the foreboding feeling as the pandemonium lets loose.

I have to give this film only an 8 out of 10 arms of dieties, because Sarah’s acting fell flat a couple of times (she was doing so well too) and the script was predictable in some places. But it was definitely worth watching.

Oculus – Horror Movie


Oculus (2014) was written and directed by Mike Flanagan with help writing from Jeff Seidman and Jeff Howard. Starring Karen Gillan(Doctor Who & Guardians of the Galaxy), Brenton Thwaites, Katee Sackoff(Riddick & Battlestar Galactica), and Rory Cochrane.


Oculus starts out 11 years previously and runs it’s timeline parallel with the present time (2013 a year before the film came out).  I firmly believe that the story’s lack of a linear story made this film harder to understand fully. Plus with the abuse of the children(the most appalling aspect of the film) being not seen to the end, did prevent me from getting my money back on this shamefully create trash.

I believe that the films story of a mirror with supernatural powers that takes over the minds of anyone who stares into would have been more believable if the children would have also had issues with it and if the backstory of the mirror was explained better, but it wasn’t. While watching this film the beginning sucks you in with hopes of a tragic back story, but it only shows you tiny pieces and then shows you the characters as adults, not explaining much of what is going on.


It really felt like the writers watched a movie similar to Memento and thought “Oh look we can do that too” and then failed miserably. Karen Gillan’s character, Kaylie acts like a well-adjusted adult for about ten minutes of this film and then it becomes blatantly obvious that she should have been the one in the nut house not her brother.

The story seems to thicken when you learn that every family that has had this mirror had died “mysteriously” and then Kaylie makes the mirror disappear. She takes it to her family home and sets up cameras to capture the “ghost” or “power” that the mirror is supposed to have. The brother makes it out and meets her there, in which they struggle with what happened to them in the past, but Karen’s acting is a bit flat at times, which brought me out of the story. Though the giant gaping holes in the story didn’t help either.

I think this was Karen’s first American role though so I tried to give her credit for her strange accent and weird acting that put me off. But the story and the locations/scenery seemed odd as well. I felt like the movie was not well put together or thought out and the story needed to be fleshed out way more than it was. At one moment in the film the timelines “merge” I suppose from the powers of the mirror? We start to see the adults interact with their children counterparts.

Karen’s character spends a great deal of time thinking that she has recorded and beat the mirror in this film only to find that she had indeed set herself up to die. The brother’s younger version is taken away again to the asylum and at the beginning of the film he saw the ghosts of his parents, he now sees the ghost of his sister. This film made no sense and literally was detestable.

I give it 1 measly broken shard of glass out of a full 10 mirror.

Event Horizon – Horror Movie

Event Horizon

Event Horizon (1997) was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson and written by Philip Eisner. The film was starring quite of few really awesome stars but the most famous being Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill. Paul Anderson (what he went by for this film) become a well known director for Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, Death Race, and quite a few other films. Laurence is well known for his role in Matrix and Sam Neill was in Jurassic Park.


This film should have been subtitled “liberate tuteme ex inferis”. This film really plays with the mind and tears into the soul. A derelict ship with an experimental drive floats in space, when a seemingly small crew is asked to find out what happened to it and the crew on board.

Event Horizon.1

The film takes it’s time developing a relationship with each character. Not only is there great depth, but there is mortifying selections of their past that comes to light when they finally find Event Horizon (the name of the ship). Event Horizon.3Their deaths are personalized as well, which really provided sui generis quality.  The performances of our star actors, Sam and Laurence blow this ship out of the galaxy and the terror that builds with the claustrophobic surroundings really adds to the build up that creates this masterpiece.

Event Horizon.2

The entire film was it’s own structure of beauty and still to this day in 2016 there has not been a film that can surmount to it’s status. This film I hold very high in the horror world and even higher in the sci-fi horror world.

10/10 black-holes!

Last House on the Left (Remake) – Horror Movie

Last House on the Left

Last House on the Left (2009) was directed by Dennis Iliadis. Written by Adam Alleca and Carl Ellsworth. Originally written by Wes Craven (RIP).  Starring Garret Dillahunt, Riki Lindhome, Aaron Paul, and Sara Paxton. If you recognize Garret and Riki, it’s because they are more known for their comedies. Aaron is the Breaking Bad, bad boy. Sara Paxton was in The Innkeepers and will be in the new Twin Peaks.


I saw the original before I saw this film. I really do believe that it stacks up. The only real beef that I have with the film is how much more slower this one is the what appeared to be two build-ups instead of the one and the harrowing amount of foreshadowing. What am I saying? Well in the first film when the girls were taking to the woods to be raped and murdered there is a lengthy time in between (in the original the death of Mari) Mari making it home. Also there are numerous moments the parents point out obvious tools/devices that will be used later.

Last House on the Left.1

Also this film is entirely not as brutal as the original. They are missing the desecration of Mari and the forcing of acts with the two girls, not just Mari’s rape. Since there is an original to compare it to, it seems to be lacking. The rushing out in the middle of the night to the lack and seeing the pure horror wash over the parents face, the complete lack of care at that point where the parents no longer hold back, the extreme moments when the mother bites off the penis of the Weasel(Francis in remake.), and finally the chainsaw and cop showing up. The film screams an utter lack of extremeness that Wes Craven had built.

Last House on the Left.2

What I did see was a horrible scene in which Krug, the main baddy get placed in a microwave, with the door open, and microwaved to the point of his head exploding. I really feel like this was an attempt (homage) to create that brutality of the original. It definitely fell horribly short. There was plenty of opportunities to create the gruesomeness of the film without repeating the film. The microwave was an abhorrent idea. Every child that grew up with a microwave knows that it will not cook without the door closed. At the beginning of the film, the father states that it is broken. A microwave does not “believably” break in that manner.

Another attempt was the stabbing of “Junior” aka Justin in the remake. Krug was originally shown to be manipulative and seemed to have his cronies, including his son, under some sort of mind control. In the final scenes Junior was supposed to be manipulated into killing himself. Krug in the remake instead slowly shoves a hot poker into his side. Also great news, Mari and Justin live supposedly as we are last left watching them and Mari’s parents jet across a vastly huge lake to we hope a hospital.

All together I felt like this was not the worst remake out there. It hit quite a few points, but really dropped the ball on the true horror elements. I would say that it gets 6 out of 10 broken microwaves.

The Babadook – Horror Movie

The Babadook

The Babadook (2014) was written and directed by Jennifer Kent. Starring Essie Davis (Game of Thrones), Noah Wiseman, and Daniel Henshall.


The Babadook is a tale grief and being able to control and understand what is going on with it. The story stays pretty closely around Sam and Amelia. Sam is the son of Amelia and Oskar, in which Oskar died. Amelia is left picking up the pieces and holding her tiny family together. This film was an excruciatingly slow-burn, starting with the emotional drainage of Amelia and displaying the outburst of the tyrannically disturbed child Samuel.


Unfortunately the way that this film was created if I were to ever meet the poor child, Noah Wiseman in person I would punch him in the face. He’s entirely too annoying, whether that is his acting style or merely him showing through, I cannot tell. His constant screaming and yelling at his mother, makes me want to beat this child relentlessly and I’m not that kind of person. He definitely makes it easy to see why Amelia wants to pull out her hair and never get out of bed ever again.


Samuel after getting kicked out of school for being destructive and non-cooperative, decides that his mother must read to him. He pulls out a seemingly childish fairy-tale pop-up book called Mister Babadook. As she reads the tale she notices that the story is way more adult then it’s led to believe. Mister Babadook is a monster that if you are aware of him, he will engulf/eat you take over your body and kill everyone in the vicinity. Yay! That seems reasonable.

So, Amelia now away that Babadook is a monster starts to lose her mind even more than what the viewers thought possible. I have to say here that so far an hour of my life has been sucked away by a screaming, annoying child and now I’m watching as the mother of said child completely loses it. I want to join her. I really do. The child eventually calms down enough that you start to actually care if he lives and you watch as the Babadook takes over Amelia.


Samuel in his annoying little way has created monster killing weapons, that doesn’t kill the monster at all but annoys it. THERE IS AN UNNECESSARY ANIMAL DEATH in the film that almost made me turn off the film. It was a long, hard watch, but I finally reached the end and you realize ****SPOILER**** that Babadook is just the emotion grief that Amelia was never able to feel because she was trying to be strong for Samuel. She locks it up in the basement after a tedious battle, she keeps it there with her husbands items and feeds it.

I may not have liked this film for the content, but the story, acting, and even the visuals were really well-done. It did not deserve the title of best horror film to come out in 2014 but it can be called a great Arthouse horror film. I feel like the slow-burn, annoying kid, and the monsters not well-hidden personification was a kink in the film.

I give this film 5.5 slowly opening closet doors out of 10.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil – Horror Movie

Tucker and Dale

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010) was directed by Eli Craig. Written by Eli Craig and Morgan Jurgenson.  Starring Tyler Labine (Reaper), Alan Tudyk (Firefly), Katrina Bowden, and Jesse Moss (The Uninvited, Ginger Snaps, Final Destination 3).


Ever want to know what a reverse of a horror film would be like. The most hilarious as hell comedy horror to have been ever created. There are amazing accidentally comedy horrors out there like Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 which were meant to be serious with hints of comedy that turned almost all comedy and then there is this masterpiece.

Tucker and Dale are two rednecks that are finally getting some time to go out to their “fishing cabin” and get a vacation. On the way to their cabin they stop at a gas station, in which also a group of suburbanite teenagers also have stopped at. Dale develops an instant connection to Allison, but it appears to be mostly one-sided. The teenage girls offer their disdain to their male co-campers about the “hill-billies” that was staring at them.


From this point it is seriously one confused mixed-up step after another to create the ultimate laugh that is well deserved. After Tucker and Dale go fishing at night, they are caught watching Allison change and as she jumps into the same lake, she hits her head and almost drowns. The teenagers only see Tucker and Dale pulling what appears to be her lifeless body into their boat and drive off.

The teenagers then one by one accidentally as they are attempting to get Allison’s body back, kill themselves. But with each death, Tucker and Dale attempt to stop them only making it look more and more like they were the ones killing the kids.


Soon the police get involved and even that doesn’t go right. All the while Tucker and Dale unwittingly try to help prevent the deaths of everyone. Finally one of the teens displays a vicious nature (you learn that he is “part hill-billy”) in which he wants to kill Allison, Tucker, and Dale.   There is final battle that ensues in a lumberyard, the graphics, practical and CG are beautifully done. The story is brilliant and the acting is incredibly masterful. Not only are you able to relate to the characters, but you root for Dale, Tucker, his dog, and Allison to win out.

Cabin in the woods, dark humor, hillbilly rednecks, guns, wood-chippers, gore, unintentional violence, and well deserved beers; this movie was so well done that a sequel is not required but desperately wanted.

I give this film 9.5 “well deserved beers” because it should have only the finest.

Teeth – Horror Movie


Teeth (2007) was written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein. Starring Jess Weixler (nothing), John Hensley (Shutter, Hostel part III), and Josh Pais (also nothing).


I don’t know what to say about this. It’s really a movie about rape and how when a woman says no it means no. The basic plot is Dawn is a good girl and goes to a school that has an abstinence class. She is president of this class and meets a boy that she wants to have relations with but only after she marries. She goes out on a date with him and he tries to rape her. She happens to have sentient teeth in her vagina that respond to her panicking. Dawn’s vagina eats the dicks/fingers/hands off of men that violate her. (Every rape victims dream.)


The movie attempts to give a girl a power to take away the pain of being a victim and then uses it to switch the story around so that she is the perpetrator instead. I feel like this movie didn’t hit the comedic points that it could and it stressed too much that a woman can use her sexuality as a weapon. I personally didn’t like this film, though it was meant to make women feel powerful, it felt stupid and childish(despite all the sex).

I give this film 2 false teeth out of 10. It just didn’t do it for me.