The Cabin in the Woods – Horror Movie

The Cabin in the Woods

The Cabin in the Woods(2010) was written and directed by Drew Goddard with help writing from Joss Whedon. Starring Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Kristen Connolly (The Happening, The Bay), Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz (Donnie Darko, The Village), Anna Hutchison, and Chris Hemsworth (He’s fucking Thor!).

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

Go watch this film. This is what brought horror back. It’s one of the most well crafted horrors ever.

So, the story is a bunch of teenagers decide to go to a cabin in the woods for the summer to relax and get away from school, the future, life, you know whatever. Which appears to be a classic in the woods story, but it gets better as you watch because the government has secret facilities all over the world in which they unless evils, monsters, beasts, cannibals, ghosts, demons, anything that was in a horror once is in this story.

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We get to know the teens a little bit, one is nerdy, one is a stoner, two are jocks, and the other girl is kind of slutty. This is the single film in which you are watching with the two government officials, Sitterson (Richard Jenkins) and Hadley (Bradley Whitford), trying to guess along with them. They are in a base below the Earth’s surface “somewhere” and they are using this base to insight the different horrors on the teens. They have a board up with all the teens, the killers, and who is betting on who. It’s terribly exciting and every once in awhile you get to see the other countries as well doing the same.

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If you are not the normal horror fan, then you will probably being betting on your favorite teen to win. This is where it gets interesting too. You learn that miss slutty is not needed and the jocks can go as well. You learn that they need the nerd because she is a virgin still. Then you ask yourself why?

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Let me back up a second and say how awesome are the kills. So Dana (the nerd/virgin played by Kristen Connolly) reads an incantation from a diary in the basement, in doing so she unleashed the monstrous family and the girl of the diary (who are all murderous). There is a pheromone that is released in the cabin making the teens horny as hell and keeps them from thinking straight. So Jules (the slut played by Anna Hutchison) and Curt (Chris Hemsworth) end up having sex out in the woods. Jules gets her head cut off and Curt escapes for now. Marty (the stoner played by Fran Kranz) gets pulled out of the cabin by one of the killer family members. Curt, Holden (Jesse Williams), and Dana attempt to leave the way they came to find it blocked. Curt uses his motorcycle skills to slam into the force field covering the wooded area, ending his life. Holden and Dana go back into the RV and Holden dies from one of the murderous family stabbing him in the heart. Leaving the virgin Dana. BUT because Dana’s impending death Marty appears out of nowhere to save her.

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Now, here is the biggest spoiler and this I took directly from Wikipedia.org because they said it beautifully and it mirrors the script.

“Fleeing further, Dana and Marty discover a temple where they are confronted by the project’s Director. She explains that, every year, worldwide rituals are held to appease the Ancient Ones; malevolent beings living beneath the surface of the earth, one of them under their own Facility. The Ancient Ones are kept in perpetual slumber through an annual sacrifice, shown to be unique to the tropes of each region. The American slasher film ritual requires the killing of five young people embodying certain archetypes: the whore (Jules), the athlete (Curt), the scholar (Holden), the fool (Marty), and the virgin (Dana). The order in which intended victims perish is flexible, so long as the Whore dies first and the Virgin survives or dies last.”

Yeah, that’s all fucked up when Dana and Marty decide that they are not going to sacrifice themselves to the Ancient Ones.

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This was the ultimate horror film because of the facilities below, they show millions of different types of monsters, dating back to the beginning of time (mermaids etc.). You actually get to see the slaughtering of tons of people in this film and truly get to see how some of the monsters work. When all hell breaks loose in the most literal way it was a gift to us horror fans.

This film is one of my favorites and gets a 9.5 out 10 sacrifices to the Ancient Ones.

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Tucker and Dale vs. Evil – Horror Movie

Tucker and Dale

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010) was directed by Eli Craig. Written by Eli Craig and Morgan Jurgenson.  Starring Tyler Labine (Reaper), Alan Tudyk (Firefly), Katrina Bowden, and Jesse Moss (The Uninvited, Ginger Snaps, Final Destination 3).

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

Ever want to know what a reverse of a horror film would be like. The most hilarious as hell comedy horror to have been ever created. There are amazing accidentally comedy horrors out there like Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 which were meant to be serious with hints of comedy that turned almost all comedy and then there is this masterpiece.

Tucker and Dale are two rednecks that are finally getting some time to go out to their “fishing cabin” and get a vacation. On the way to their cabin they stop at a gas station, in which also a group of suburbanite teenagers also have stopped at. Dale develops an instant connection to Allison, but it appears to be mostly one-sided. The teenage girls offer their disdain to their male co-campers about the “hill-billies” that was staring at them.

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From this point it is seriously one confused mixed-up step after another to create the ultimate laugh that is well deserved. After Tucker and Dale go fishing at night, they are caught watching Allison change and as she jumps into the same lake, she hits her head and almost drowns. The teenagers only see Tucker and Dale pulling what appears to be her lifeless body into their boat and drive off.

The teenagers then one by one accidentally as they are attempting to get Allison’s body back, kill themselves. But with each death, Tucker and Dale attempt to stop them only making it look more and more like they were the ones killing the kids.

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Soon the police get involved and even that doesn’t go right. All the while Tucker and Dale unwittingly try to help prevent the deaths of everyone. Finally one of the teens displays a vicious nature (you learn that he is “part hill-billy”) in which he wants to kill Allison, Tucker, and Dale.   There is final battle that ensues in a lumberyard, the graphics, practical and CG are beautifully done. The story is brilliant and the acting is incredibly masterful. Not only are you able to relate to the characters, but you root for Dale, Tucker, his dog, and Allison to win out.

Cabin in the woods, dark humor, hillbilly rednecks, guns, wood-chippers, gore, unintentional violence, and well deserved beers; this movie was so well done that a sequel is not required but desperately wanted.

I give this film 9.5 “well deserved beers” because it should have only the finest.